I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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