Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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