just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
