Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
