I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
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When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I smell like Dick and happiness
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize