I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
