Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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