She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
