dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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