Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
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I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
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I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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