Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
