arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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