How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
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Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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