He kissed a someone with a penis
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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