I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
