I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
