Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
