First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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