Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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