if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
