apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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