OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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