And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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