He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
