wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm determined to sit on that face.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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