Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
