i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
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