Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
