I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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