So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
