a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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