According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
