Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
well you can't waste a boner
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
