So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
