Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
