Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
