doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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