i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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