youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
