Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
