yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
