I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
