after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
What a dumb baby whore.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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