'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
