does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
