Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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