Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
