She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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