i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
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I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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