I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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