when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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