both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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