Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
