So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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