she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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