I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
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