I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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