I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
