You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Four minutes until I can fart!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
