threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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