I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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