hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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