So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
