hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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