If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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