I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
