Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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